recharged

ahhhhh.

feels good to be rested!

I got so much done this weekend and still found time to relax, sleep in, go to the gym, spend some quality time with Joe and even do a little bit of crafting

Made these adorable little Hair Flowers! It was a great break between the cleaning and organizing. They only took about five minutes each. I feel so refreshed and energized. I am fully ready to kick this weeks ass!!!

dead battery

I would say that on any given day I could describe myself with characteristics of the

Energizer Bunny.

When in reality, I probably look more like a pile of dead batteries with no hope of getting a charge.






This is something my mother has been telling me for YEARS. "Hilary, you can do anything you want! Just not everything you want". "Hil, you gotta stop and charge the batteries every once and a while". "Hilary, make sure you don't run yourself ragged"... I have heard all of this, not only by my mother, but by others close to me.
I think the advice is finally sinking in.

In the last ten days, 5 of them I have left my car somewhere overnight due to drinking or being out late with friends. I see this as a good thing and a bad thing...

a) I am so proud of myself for not drinking and driving and knowing that it is OK to take a cab or call a friend if you have had a few too many.

b) I am not so proud that out of the ten days I mentioned, only half of them were spent NOT partying.

c) I am even more proud of myself for noticing that this is an issue and I need to fix it and re focus.

I do not want this to be a post about how I may or may not drink too much. Because I am 21 yrs old and enjoying life. I do want this to be a post about how easy it is to lose focus and get lost in the "fun" of it all.

I am a social person, and alone time is not something I need or want very often. I enjoy going out and being wild, but I think I have hit a wall and need to take a look at some things in my life.

I am moving out of the apartment that my sister and I share in June. I am getting a place of my own and starting over. I am putting 100% of my effort into finding other side jobs doing hair (funeral home, nursing home, kitchen hair etc etc) so that come June, I wont have to get a waitresing job. I am trying to do all of these things while still going out 6 nights a week??? This needs to change... So I am starting today!

It is Friday and I am home. I worked from 9-5 and then had a very nice date with Joe. Went to the gym for an hour and now I am home and ready for bed before 11pm. Tomorrow and the rest of the weekend I plan to spend at home organizing my living space. I want to go through my crafting "junk" and my clothing "junk"... I want to take this weekend and de clutter as much as I can!

My friends and boyfriend are all out having chocolate martinis right now and I am at home blogging. . . Does it make me an old woman because I am totally ok with that!? I dont think so. Starting tomorrow I am going to regain focus and spend the weekend getting into a better and more healthy state of mind.

Dad

When I was young, my dad wasn't around much. He worked a lot, and most of the time it was out of town. My father and I have grown closer as I have gotten older, but as for childhood memories... my dad isn't in many of them. The one he is in... Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwiches. I love a good PB&B sandwich, and whenever I make one, I think of my dad.

Had an AMAZING workout at the gym this morning. Yesterday sucked in more ways than one! I am trying really hard to get my focus back and stay on track with the self improvment goals I started with this year... In doing that I need to remind myself to be better about staying in touch with people who matter.
My dad still travels a lot for work and isn't around but a few times a year. I am horrible at keeping in touch and as I made my PB&B this afternoon I started to think about my Father. I am always too busy to answer a phone call, or pre occupied with my own life issues to pick up the phone and say Hello. My dad may not be "in town" a lot but he has ALWAYS been there for me when I needed him. Maybe I should stop bitching about the crappy friends I have in my life and start taking advantage of the amazing ones I do have... Even if they are my Mom and Dad.

:)

A Broken Record

Here we go again...
Back to the drawing board of what is wrong with Hilary.
When I was in middle school is was "stomach migraines"
Then in high school it was test after test just to find out it was endometriosis.
Then the surgery that was a temporary fix and a ticking time clock on my baby making belly.
Don't forget about the freak incident in Indianapolis that hospitalized me for a day because I had a vein go into overdrive which sent me into momentary loss of motor function.
Most recent was the news of a severely tilted uterus.
Now, the abnormal cells that they found last year, and told me would go away due to the fact that I was so young, are still here..... ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??!?!?!
At this point I don't cry or freak out. The me 5 years ago would be with my mom at Barnes and Noble doing research and hitting our knees in mass amounts of prayer. Screw it.
I am ok with the fact that I have an "abnormal body". I have faced the music that I may not be able to have children and that I live with chronic pain (now under control with minor hick ups. Fingers Crossed). But I am SO tired of feeling "broken".
And that is what this feels like. I know that I could have it way worse, and I am thankful every day that I am healthy and living a full and happy life. But this unknown feeling of brokenness is starting to sound like a broken record.
So, on April 14Th I will hopefully find out what these stupid abnormal cells have to hold for me in the future, and I will kick their ass just like everything else that has come my way.
Today on the other hand... I am gonna feel broken and sad that this stuff keeps coming my way. I think a good run and some Mumford and Sons is exactly what I need after work.
:)